


30 Days to Fall Apart (Lately I've Been Going Crazy)

by perrieblossom



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Fluffy Ending, M/M, Pain, Probably More - Freeform, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, Tears, Thoughts of Suicide, depictions of violence, depressed!louis, suicidal!louis, they're not graphic but they're there, triggering, ummm - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-15
Updated: 2014-01-15
Packaged: 2018-01-08 19:35:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1136548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perrieblossom/pseuds/perrieblossom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Liam breaks up with Louis during a screaming match. It takes Louis thirty days to fall apart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	30 Days to Fall Apart (Lately I've Been Going Crazy)

**Author's Note:**

> Reposting from Tumblr, half the title is from "Back For You" by One Direction.

The first day, Louis is still in shock. He sits in the bathroom, where the fight had taken place, still not a hundred percent sure it had even been real. On the first day, Louis is in denial.

…

The second, third, and fourth day, Louis still refuses to move. His stomach is growling, but that’s just a minor bother compared to his shattered heart. He hears the knocks on the front door, the threats to call a locksmith, except Louis knows they won’t follow through. And they don’t. On the second, third, and fourth day, Louis is coming to terms.

…

The fifth day, Louis realizes Liam really isn’t coming back. He screams and cries and breaks things and throws picture frames at the wall. The knocks on the front door get louder, but Louis still refuses to answer it. When the sun sets, Louis sits in the middle of the mess he created, curls into a little ball, and cries silently. On the fifth day, Louis snaps.

…

The sixth, seventh, eighth, and ninth day, Louis gets a total of eighty hours of sleep, only spending four hours a day awake. Even then, he feels fatigued and the need to never wake up again. Louis needed Liam to drive him to do things, and since being revoked of that drive, Louis saw no point in trying any longer. On the sixth, seventh, eighth, and ninth day, Louis stops trying.

…

The tenth day, Louis cuts himself. It was an accident, really; he’d rolled onto the glass while in a fretful sleep. He hadn’t cleaned up the results of his tantrum from five days prior, so the glass had been lying there with its razor sharp edges. But Louis felt numb from the cut, only for a second, and it was better than any effect alcohol had on him. So, with shaking fingers, he picks up a particularly jagged shard and rips his arm open, crimson blood going everywhere. On the tenth day, Louis welcomes his depression with open arms.

…

The eleventh day, Louis breaks into his stash of vodka. They’d always had plenty of alcohol to keep house full of people drunk for three days. Never really knew why, Liam didn’t drink much at all and Louis only did if it was a special occasion or extremely stressful day. He gets pissed drunk before slicing across his arm a few more times and passing out. On the eleventh day, Louis jumps into a hole that he won’t be able to get out of.

…

The twelfth, thirteenth, fourteenth, and fifteenth day, Louis survives on vodka and a few slices of bread. The knocks are yet to cease on the front door, but he’s grown accustomed to tuning them out. He starts talking to some of the photographs that still lie on the wooden floor, yet to be cleaned up. Louis tells them of better times and how much he misses Liam, but they never talk back. On the twelfth, thirteenth, fourteenth, and fifteenth day, Louis starts to become delirious.

…

The sixteenth day, Zayn refuses to leave Louis’s front door. No one had seem him for more than two weeks, and things were getting out of hand. “Come on Lou,” the Bradford boy persists, “Liam wouldn’t want you to be like this.” Louis throws an empty vodka bottle at the door and watches it shatter in response. Before he lets himself listen to anymore of Zayn’s lies, he stomps into their his bedroom and falls asleep. On the sixteenth day, Louis begins to plan.

…

No one hears from Louis Tomlinson again for thirteen more days, nearly two weeks. Harry, Niall, and Zayn are freaking out, believing him to be dead, when they simultaneously get the same text, “ _You wanna hang out today lads? (: -Louis._ " Naturally, they all had their suspicions , but nonetheless, they take Louis out to McDonald’s and then to the park to play a bit of footie. On the twenty-ninth day, Louis Tomlinson is planning his death for the following morning and none of his friends are the wiser.

…

The thirtieth day, Louis sends out a Tweet. “ _@Louis_Tomlinson: massive thank you to everyone who supported me this entire time, I’ll never forget you xx._ " Liam hadn’t heard anything from or about Louis since the breakup, thirty days before. He knew something was up, but Harry, Niall, and Zayn refused to tell him anything. He’d just so happened to be on Twitter at the moment, when Louis’s Tweet popped up on his home.

A second later, Liam’s calling Zayn.

"Hey, Li," Zayn says.

"Why didn’t you tell me Louis’s depressed," he demands, ignoring the greeting.

"Wha-how’d you know?" Zayn asks, sounding exasperated.

"Because," Liam pauses to throw on his Adidas slides and grab his car keys, "Louis just sent out a weird Tweet, and I think he’s going to try to commit." Without another word, Liam hangs up and dashes to his car, still parked in front of Harry’s small house, not caring that he’s only wearing Calvin Klein briefs and Batman pajama pants.

It takes Liam five minutes to get to what used to be his and Louis’s home, five minutes too many if you asked him. He thanks the Lord his key still worked as the door slammed open. Liam pauses to look at the mess in front of him.

Glass, everywhere, some coming from picture frames while some appeared to be smashed liquor bottles. Throw pillows were torn open, the stuffing oozing out. The television had a giant crack in the middle. Empty Vodka bottles were everywhere: on the coffee table, under the couch, one was even on top of a lamp. But Louis was nowhere to be found.

Liam shakily climbs the stairs when he gets a text, from Louis of all people. “ _I know you don’t love me anymore, and that’s ok, because I won’t have to live much longer with that fact. But I’ll always love you_.” He races to the bathroom, the very one Liam had stormed out of a month earlier after he screamed at Louis that he no longer wanted to be with him.

He finds Louis sat on the ground, crying profusely and shakily holding a bottle filled with the sleeping pills Liam used to take at night. Liam wastes no time slapping the open cylinder out of Louis’s hands, the capsules spilling everywhere, before pulling his ex-boyfriend into a hug.

Louis starts screaming profanities at Liam, struggling to get out of his grip so he could finally just  _die_. That’s when Zayn comes in, finds white and blue pods covering the tiles, finds Liam silently crying as he keeps Louis from swallowing them and getting the death he’d been dreaming of for fourteen days.

"Louis," Zayn says sternly, kneeling in front of his delirious and squirming friend, "you need to calm down."

"Just let me die already!" Louis screams. "I don’t want to be here, just let me die!" But as if someone flicked a switch, he begins sobbing and leaning into his ex-boyfriend, the one who still holds his heart.

"Liam, if you want to go, you can," Zayn whispers. Liam looks at him uncertainly before deciding Louis probably didn’t want him around anyway and starts to pull away.

But then Louis freaks out even more. He scrambles and clings onto Liam, his sobs becoming even louder than before. “Don’t leave me,” he says between cries, “please don’t leave me again.” And Liam thinks being shot in the face would hurt less.

"Do you mind giving us a second?" Liam asks Zayn, who gives him a look as if to say,  _are you sure?_  Liam nods and the Bradford boy leaves the room without a word.

"Louis," Liam starts, unsure of where to go next.

"Please don’t leave me," the quivering boy whimpers. "I-I promise I’ll stop being so demanding and annoying. I’ll start doing things around the house again, I swear! But please don’t leave me." Louis’s grip on Liam’s waist tightens as he buries his head into the boy’s chest, trying desperately to permanently get his smell imprinted on his brain.

Yep, getting shot would definitely hurt less, Liam decides.

"Louis, you aren’t demanding or annoying," Liam promises. "I was having a really rough day that day and then I took it out on you and then we got into that screaming match and…I didn’t really want to breakup, and this whole month I’ve had this hole in my heart because you weren’t there."

"Please come home," Louis whispers. Liam nods in response, and then they sink to the floor, tangled in an embrace you couldn’t separate if you tried.

And Liam knows, knows they have a lot to work on. Knows he has to get Louis out of the hole he threw himself into. Knows they have a while until they’ll be back to something like how they were before. But for right now, Liam’s content with holding onto Louis as tight as he possibly can.

On the thirtieth day, Louis was finally happy again.


End file.
